The Weekly Reframe: The Ego’s Favorite Tool
Supporting you to free your mind so you can live from your heart!
“The ego’s favorite tool is the intellect, which slices reality into unrecognizable shreds. Yet the mind can be transformed from an instrument of destruction to one of healing. When the intellect is employed in service of spirit, it uplifts. To master your ego, give it projects that serve others. Put it to work contributing to humanity, rather than draining from it.”
-Alan Cohen
Working with the Ego
The description of the ego that Alan Cohen references comes from the channeled spiritual text, A Course in Miracles. To paraphrase: the ego is a belief system rooted in separation, guilt, and fear. It creates a false self, a fragile identity that must constantly defend itself. Another way of seeing it is as the survival part of the brain, living in scarcity, comparison, defensiveness and isolation.
What actually supports the ego most is acknowledgment, with compassion, gentleness and gratitude. Its job is enormous: holding close both our deepest wounds and our deepest desires. No wonder it takes that role so seriously. When the ego is activated, it can feel like life or death - because to the ego, it is.
Often that activation is really an old trauma resurfacing. The ego detects a threat that isn’t actually present, because the original wound came from another time.
For example, in 2008 I was in a serious car accident. My car flipped into an oncoming lane - miraculously, no other cars hit me, and I walked away with only a concussion. But afterward, I developed a fear of being a passenger. Even now, I sometimes lash out at my partner while he’s driving when nothing is actually threatening. My brain flashes back to that moment of feeling utterly out of control.
In those moments, my ego can’t experience reality as it is: neutral. It reacts as if the threat is happening now, pulling me into fight, flight, or freeze. The natural reflex then becomes shame: “Why can’t I control this? I should know better. Something must be wrong with me.” But the truth is, the ego is like a child—roughly nine to eleven years old. Unless guided and loved, it will default to tantrums when it feels unsafe.
The antidote isn’t more judgment - it’s more love.
Making the Ego a Servant of the Heart
This is where compassion matters. Instead of shaming myself for overreacting, I can pause and acknowledge my ego: thank you for trying to keep me safe. And then I can redirect it toward a purpose that actually serves me.
It’s like an anxious dog. Without direction, the dog barks at every shadow and squirrel. But give it a weighted vest, a job to do, and suddenly it settles. My ego works the same way. If I just let it react, it lashes out in fear. But when I give it a role that serves my heart, whether it’s creating, helping, or contributing - it relaxes into purpose.
In other words, the ego doesn’t need to be silenced or shamed. It needs acknowledgment, a steady hand, and a job worth doing.
So the next time your ego feels threatened, try meeting it with love and then giving it a project that channels its energy outward in service of something greater.
Let me know how it goes.
Step By Step,
Jessie