The Weekly Reframe: Moving form I have to, to I GET to
Supporting you to free your mind so you can live from your heart!
“When you feel you are being pushed or coerced against your will, your dignity is aroused, and your mind reacts by saying, ‘You are telling me that I have to, but if I had my own way, I’d rather be doing this over here or that over there.’ In other words, your mind suddenly finds a reason to put it off.”
— Steven Campbell
Have you ever felt really excited at the beginning of a new year and set some inspiring goals for yourself? Let’s take a fitness goal as an example: You tell yourself, “This is it. I’m finally going to eat healthier, lose 10 pounds and go to the gym 3 times a week."
But then you blink and suddenly it's mid-March. You are eating more donuts than eggs or oatmeal for breakfast and you've been to the gym twice...and stopped.
What’s really happening here?
According to Steven Campbell, what’s at play is something called restrictive motivation, and it often signals the beginning of the end for many of our goals. Why? Because restrictive motivation is usually rooted in fear. It carries a forceful, pressuring energy: “You have to do this…or else.” Underneath it all, you might hear the language of “I should,” “I need to,” or “I have to.”
We often don’t realize this when we first set the goal. It sounds productive on the surface, but the subconscious mind resists anything that feels like force, even when that force is coming from ourselves.
Campbell explains that we typically respond to restrictive motivation in one of three ways:
Procrastination
Slovenly work
Creative avoidance
That last one is especially tricky. You’ll clean the garage or binge-read self-help books, anything but take action on the goal that feels like a “must.”
Why? Because it’s the mind’s job to keep you in your comfort zone. Just like how if someone pushes on your palm your natural reaction is to push back, your mind does the same thing. It resists pressure. It doesn’t matter whether someone else is forcing you, or you’re the one forcing yourself.
So how do we shift this?
We move from restrictive to constructive motivation.
A powerful line from the spiritual text, The Way of Mastery expresses this beautifully:
“I need do nothing.”
This isn’t about passivity, it’s about the awareness of choice. Constructive motivation arises when we remember that most things in life aren’t “have-tos,” they’re choices.
We make a million small choices every day: What time to wake up, what to eat, whether to brush our teeth, what we wear, who we partner with, what career we pursue. Our lives are filled with choice.
So instead of saying, “I have to eat healthy and lose weight,” what if we said, “I get to nourish my body and feel great in my skin."
What if we focused on the benefits we’re choosing: how those goals will positively affect not just us, but those around us?
As Steven Campbell says, “Getting to do something is far more motivating than having to do something.”
So here’s your invitation:
Look at an area of your life where you haven’t been taking action.
Then, look even deeper.
What’s the motivation underneath?
Is it fearful and restrictive?
Or is it loving, joyful, and based on freedom and choice?
And here’s a simple but powerful daily practice: The next time you’re doing something ordinary - making breakfast, brushing your teeth - silently or out loud, say:
“I choose this.”
And smile.
Step By Step,
Jessie
P.S I highly recommend Steven Campbell’s book, Making Your Mind Magnificent. It's a powerful guide to understanding how your brain works and transforming the way you think.