The Weekly Reframe: Reframing Judgement
Supporting you to free your mind so you can live from your heart!
“My judgments of others are actually God’s instructions for my own life.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert
Reframing the Mind’s Tendency to Judge
Do you ever notice the nonstop inner critic, constantly judging you and everyone else? It may feel exhausting, but being willing to notice and acknowledge our judgments can actually be a powerful tool. They show us where to focus our attention and where we’re being invited to grow.
It helps to remember: judgment is totally normal. The human brain evolved to judge - ourselves, others, and the world around us. In fact, nature developed this mechanism to keep us alive. And it goes hand-in-hand with projection, which I’ll come back to in a moment.
Why the Human Mind Evolved to Judge
Thousands of years ago, judgment was about survival. Our ancestors had to make rapid decisions: Is this plant edible or poisonous? Is that person a friend or a threat? Quick judgments kept them alive.
That survival wiring still runs in us. The brain prefers speed and efficiency. It would rather slap on a quick label - good/bad, safe/unsafe - than sit with ambiguity. This isn’t just about survival anymore; it’s also about conserving mental energy.
As social beings, humans also needed to belong. In tribal life, being accepted meant survival. Judgment helped enforce norms: this is acceptable, this isn’t. That kept groups cohesive, but it also bred comparison and exclusion.
On a personal level, judgment creates identity. I’m better than them… I’m worse than them… I’m like them… I’m not like them. These judgments reinforce a sense of hierarchy, which makes us feel like we’re on solid ground in an uncertain world. But learning to see beyond those hierarchies, to see ourselves and others as equals, is important inner work.
Judgment and Projection
Where there’s judgment, projection usually follows. This is what Elizabeth Gilbert’s quote points to.
Projection is another ancient survival mechanism. The brain is wired to scan for threats, so it’s more efficient to project unwanted feelings or impulses onto someone else than to face the messy truth that those feelings exist in us. Projection gives us momentary relief: the problem is out there, not in here.
The “threat” we push outward today isn’t usually a predator in the grass, (if we are fortunate enough not to live in a war zone), it’s usually an emotion we don’t want to accept: fear, envy, anger, shame. By attributing it to someone else, we feel temporarily safer, even though the real work is inside us.
A Personal Note
I’ve had to do a lot of work in this area. I’ve noticed myself judging people’s traits, behaviors, and motives, only to realize I was engaging in the same patterns. And of course, the classic: knowing exactly what other people “should” do while avoiding my own life. Oof. This work is humbling and ongoing.
But the benefits are worth it:
Deeper relationships. Because we stop offloading our disowned stuff onto others.
More compassion and freedom. Because we’re not endlessly triggered by what we think others are doing to us. Instead, we turn the focus inward.
Why Owning Projection Matters
Noticing and owning our projections is essential inner work.
This doesn’t mean staying in harmful situations or excusing bad behavior. But it does mean looking at challenging dynamics with honesty: What part of me is involved here? What trait or behavior am I judging that if I look and see might actually exist inside of me? What am I thinking someone else should do that I actually could benefit from? How am I contributing to this? What am I projecting?
When we’re willing to see where we play a part, we can shift the internal pattern. That, in turn, changes the external reality. Instead of repeating the same cycles, we begin to create something new.
Step By Step,
Jessie