The Weekly Reframe: What would Love Say?
Supporting you to free your mind so you can live from your heart!
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
— Louise L. Hay
Many of us live inside invisible prisons of self-criticism without even realizing it. That might sound dramatic, but if you look closely, it may have been the background noise of much of your life. This inner critic is partly how our brains are wired, constantly scanning for what’s wrong, and partly the result of conditioning over time.
Self-criticism wears many disguises: comparison, perfectionism and scarcity thinking. Left unchecked, it can lead to despair, powerlessness, anxiety, or hopelessness. Those feelings then ripple outward and affect how we show up in life - or don’t. We hide. We might call ourselves “lazy” or “procrastinators.” We numb out. Or we double down on fixing what we think is wrong, only to find the critic waiting with a new target. No amount of fixing is ever enough, and the cycle continues.
The reality is, we can’t always control what thoughts arise. But we can develop the skill of noticing whether those thoughts are helping or harming us. We can pause and ask: Would I treat a friend this way?
That’s where compassion enters. To shift our focus away from self criticism, We can ask:
What would compassion say to me right now?
What would love say?
What would it look like if I had my own back?
What am I afraid might happen if I actually approved of myself?
Learning to practice self-compassion is a skill, one that opens the door to growth, peace, joy and genuine contribution. In this practice we don’t try to silence the critic. Because when we do, it only gets louder.
Think of a toddler tugging at her mother’s leg, trying to get attention. You’ve probably seen this: Mom, mom, MOM! The more she’s ignored, the louder, more panicked, and more insistent she becomes.
Our inner critic works the same way. It has a job and wants to be heard. Instead of pushing it away, we can acknowledge it with compassion, "I hear you, sweetheart," and then gently shift our focus toward another voice that’s always there, just harder to hear: the voice of loving-kindness.
That voice carries humor and lightness. It’s empowering, gentle, kind and reasoned.
So today, I invite you to pause. Ask yourself one or more of the questions above, and then listen closely for your voice of loving-kindness to answer. And, if you are moved to, hit reply and share with me what your voice of loving kindness said.
Step By Step,
Jessie